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the girl with kaleidoscope eyes
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| words of wisdom |
[14 Jul 2009|09:15am] |
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bisi ka nga ata mare. abay sige na ikaw ay magtrabaho na diyan para may pagkain tayo mamaya sa mesa.. ikaw ay mag ingat sa iyong araw at sana ito ay maging masiyahin at mapangkalawakang araw para sa iyo! dahil ang kalawakan ay madaming mysteryo, gayun din ang buhay natin.. tulad ng bituin na nag niningning tuwing gabi, ikaw ngayon ang magningning sa tapat ng iyong bossing mam sir.. para ikaw ay ma promote at gawing isang anghel na galing sa lupa.. salamat.. sasabihin ko lang din po, hindi ako lasheng hahaha i just got home from training and i just need to get my mind ready to sleep hahaha im freaking tired.. well babayu from me to you.
-Elmer Ching, 2009
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| good vibes and tropical weather |
[12 Jul 2009|04:09pm] |
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why do you let me stay here? - She & Him |
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This weekend was some kind of wonderful! that's all i'll say about that.
The sun was out and I was there to embrace it all day. i finally went to the beach where the weather was fine and i had that perfect excuse to walk around in nice-looking underwear and feel absolutely free to be almost naked under the heat of the summer sun. I got to play the sport i love and be reminded that there's always been something beautiful about futbol and running on the sand, sweat dripping down your face to your chest, the wind in your hair, and the feel of the ball against your toes. And, even with the heat, it was so easy to jump in the water and chase after the waves. It was just magical to be in that scene again. I love it!
Thats how i would like to spend all my days. for sure.
Aside from the still nonexistent early morning run,
the occassional walk in the park on a lazy sunday afternoon,
those hardcore days and softcore nights,
the usual lounging around on them sabado nights of course,
the spontaneous drives around the city,
those deep, long conversations through the wee hours of the morning,
and/or people watching from a small cafe..
yah, those are pretty much the stuff i live for.
But for now, Mondays will always seems to catch up to me and here's another 3 weeks of my life put on hold on account of my priorities.
the last stretch of Summer(school):
..Group Presentation on Stereotypes (07/13)
..Cultural Artifact Speech + Outline + Visual Aid (07/16 or 07/20)
..Math Chapter 3 Exam + HW + extra credit (07/16)
..Persuasive Outline due (07/21)
..Persuasive Speech (07/22)
..Math Chapter 4 Exam + HW + extra credit (07/23)
..Speech Final (07/23)
..and 2 more weeks of math
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| Today.. |
[10 Jul 2009|11:03pm] |
I finally got to do my friday date with abi! we went to the Towne Center to watch The Proposal and jumped to see Up afterwards. (I highly recommend it, if you havent seen it yet!) Then again, im probably the only who's always late when it comes to new movies. but, It'll make your heart melt! It made mine, of course. That has got to be the cherry on top of why I always, always lovelovelove Disney-Pixar collaborations! (Is it out/Has it been out yet in Manila? Im so outdated, really)
Aside from all that, I made it on the Dean's Honor Roll List! Im so happy! Now, i can honestly say that ALL my hardwork finally paid off somehow! Who wouldve thought, right? This weekend is indeed celebration worthy! yes, definitely. ;)
Tonight's gonna be a good good night..
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| only love escapes this glass metropolis |
[08 Jul 2009|10:31pm] |
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Metropolis - Faded Paper Figures |
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I am a million little things (again) tonight.
Tonight feels like the time when Tita Ching was remodeling a new set of retainers for my teeth last week. she was pushing the plaster up the palate of my mouth and every time she pushed a little harder to get the exact structure of my teeth, i would feel like throwing up inside. So, she had me do some leg movements to get my mind off throwing up. At first, i thought crossing my legs or moving them up and down actually had some connection with my week palate. Until I realized that it really was just a form of distraction.
Yup, tonight feels like that.
Tonight feels like i thought i knew something all along but now i know it for sure.
All of a sudden, what was once just theories and assumptions in my head is suddenly the real deal. It feels like there's this giant reality thats starting to push against me and forcing me to take it all in and im still waiting on the distraction to take in effect so i can start working on trying to escape it. For some reason, the involuntary dancing for my own amusement and the pretending-i-dont-ever-want-to-see-you-again chant in my head is not distracting enough.
But then again, its not like it hasnt happened before.
I find that ive been getting good at wanting something just when im about to lose it already.
Anyway, so here's the temporary distraction:
Today was a day full of unexpected accomplishments. If i had the choice to, I would've slept in all day and gathered enough strength and composure to prepare for my speech tonight. But no, I decided to go to work and just try to finish my speech whenever i had free time to do it. While at work, despite the hectic scene and the occassional student complaint, i managed to juggle both homework and real work and still live through the rest of the day.
By the time i got off, I went straight home for a quick lunch and my usual siesta. I refused to wake up from my nap even when snooze alarms kept going off every 5 minutes. I did eventually get up on my feet and managed to drive my butt to school again. So first was math, and the occassional seeing-someone-i-really-didnt-want-to-see-today incident. but then there was also the having-a-nice-conversation-with-a-total-stranger incident, which brightened up the mood and lightened the load a little. And then there was speech, which i wasnt really dreading too much at all, but i just wanted to get it out of the way already. When that was done, that's when i felt like breathing again. And at the end of the day, I realized that when i forced myself to fight against ditching school or work, that's when i felt like ive accomplished more than i thought i could do myself. I actually overcame something and thats why i feel more fulfilled.
twas indeed a good run. i put up enough of a good fight for the day.
now i have to stop fighting sleep and just let myself pass out already.
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| a fool, played by your rules.. |
[26 Jun 2009|11:22pm] |
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books written for girls - camera obscura |
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You can compliment me on the style of my hair
GIve me marks out of ten for the clothes that I wear
You probably thought I had more upstairs.
I disappoint you.
Can't see through your perfect smile.
He likes to read books written for girls.
He prides himself on being a man of the world.
In the darkest of places he gets his thrills.
He will disappoint you
If you see through his perfect smile.
I think separation is okay.
You're the star to guide me anyway.
You only wanted me to play.
A fool...played by your rules.
Now my door has swollen from the rain.
God knows we'll never see her face again.
People get shattered in many ways.
They can disappoint you.
When you see through
Their perfect smile.
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| one day, ill write a song about you |
[20 Jun 2009|07:49pm] |
as soon as i walked in the house, i felt so bare.
i felt like i was a walking/running target just waiting to be shot to death.
what if he drove in just when i was running to the front door?
what if he answered the door? what if he saw me walk in?
what if i turned the corner and he was standing right in front of me?
what do i do? what do i say?
can i really put myself through that much bad vibes in one weekend?
do i really want to deal with that.. again?
this is the part i hate.
the part when i have to cover up for myself coz i could never find the strength to face him.
the part when i have to have everyone else watch my back when its supposed to be my own burden to bear.
the part when i put everything else on hold because i always have to put someone else into consideration even if its my life and i should have a choice on how or what i make of it.
im really tired of taking care of other people's feelings.
i guess that really does say something about how seriously broken i am.
and yet, no one can ever understand it the way me and my sisters do.
dear,
today i realized that you're probably the only person i am scared of, really morbidly afraid of, in this world. and it makes me sad that i hardly even know the side of you that's not mad or angry or lecturing me. i really hope for a time when it'll just be easy. but for whatever reason its taking a while for that to happen, i really just want to not have to deal with the bad vibes of our situation every single time it has to happen.
one day, really one day,
i wont have days like this anymore.
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[15 Jun 2009|09:46am] |
i cant believe its barely even 10am. i hate working by myself.
my work hours are slow enough as it is but when cristina or nicole decide to ditch me because of fake sick days, the morning just seems to drag even more.
imagine if i didnt even have breakfast, then i could even easily pass out.
then again, that would be a good enough excuse to leave earlier than usual. or take the next day off. OR maybe i should just stop forgetting to eat breakfast.
but anyway, the past weekend was alright.
it was mostly family time and as much as i love my family (most days, anyway) i hate the occassional visit to burbank or dinner out with the relatives. i hate casual talks about what career to take, what school to go to, or conquering the fear of driving on the freeway. i mean, i am almost 20, i have been living here for 3 years now, ive been in college for 2 years, and i have decided on what i want to do.. if you really want to know, take a look at my life and stop asking me questions youve already asked me at every family gathering just for small talk. ok, that may have been a little harsh, but ive noticed that a side of my family is just superficial like that. its so hard to penetrate through that kind of surface.
i like family time that involves real laughs, like real BAHAHAHA laughs that make you cry and make you feel like you've worked your abs tight. or family time that doesnt make me struggle to get someone's attention if i dont get the right topic to talk about. family time that can afford comfortable silences and spontaneity only me and my sisters could pull off really well. we're good at that ;)
i just dont want this strangeness.
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| i wanted to control it but love, i couldn't hold it |
[12 Jun 2009|11:19pm] |
Spent a week in a dusty library
Waiting for some words to jump at me
We met by a trick of fate
French navy my sailor mate
We met by the moon on a silvery lake
You came my way
Said, I want you to stay
You and your dietary restrictions
Said you loved me with a lot of convention
I was waiting to be struck by lightning
Waiting for somebody exciting
Like you
Oh, the thing that you do
You make me go uuuh
With the things that you do (you do, you do)
I wanted to control it
But love, I couldn't hold it
I wanted to control it
But love, I couldn't hold it
I'll be criticized for lending out my art
I was criticized for letting you break my heart
Why would I stand for disappointed looks
Fully grown but I'm all on tender hooks
uuuh with the looks
Oh tender boy,
Ooh, with the looks, the looks, the looks
I wanted to control it
But love, I couldn't hold it
I wanted to control it
But love, I couldn't hold it
Relationships were something I used to do
Convince me they are better for me and you
We met by a trick of fate
French navy, my sailor
I wanted to control it
But love, I couldn't hold it
I wanted to control it
But love, I couldn't hold it
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[12 Jun 2009|11:47am] |
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French Navy - Camera Obscura |
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Like i said, it was a good week to say the least.
I think the only real good thing about it was seeing Camera Obscura perform and actually going on a midweek adventure with ditche. Im not one to go out every chance i get, but when i get to, its a cause for celebration! (yes, gretch, like you, ive lived under a rock all summer long!) so, that was great, being able toexperience a band i really know and love already plus the scenery and the new-ness of where we were. The music always gets to my system and i guess hungover is pretty much the best word to describe it. that's when i know its been good to me.
Work has finally caught up with me and im dying to get summer over with so i can leave. but then again, it is the only thing forcing me to wake up in the morning. if it wasnt for that, id be absolutely bummerific this summer and a waste of perfectly good bedroom space when i become unproductive and all my blankets and dirty clothes are spread out on the floor. Aside from that, summer school starts in a week! as if its something i havent done before. but this is by choice so i really shouldnt be complaining.
anyway, yesterday, the funniest thing happened! i didnt have to walk home since nanay said she could pick me up from work. so, as i was waiting for her to arrive, sitting pretty on my usual waiting spot, a tiny middle-aged man came a-biking my way. i was listening to my ipod and looking senti as usual when he said "are you a filipina?" i smiled and gave him a nice slow nod, and then he biked away and said "wag mong isipin yun, mahal ka rin nun.." hahaha i laughed for a good long while and all i could say was thanks. and in the back of my mind all i was thinking was, "haay, mga pilipino talaga.."
its really those little, almost meaningless things that make an ordinary day some kind of wonderful. and, even if you forget about it throughout most of the day, you have some tingle inside of you that reminds you why you smiled for a good long while for something that lasted 3 seconds of your entire life.
we need more of this. we need the simpler things.
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| a list! a list! and then some.. |
[07 Jun 2009|09:57pm] |
important things to do for the week:
..finish Fullerton application
..rummage through old files and look for: cypress placement test results and kennedy transcript/diploma
..request official transcript from cypress
..set up an appointment with a counselor at Fullerton
..pick up tickets for Camera Obscura tomorrow
..buy new side mirrors for the matrix
..probably have the car re-painted (is that even an auto term?) while i'm at it
..charge camera for Tuesday night. yes, because i do need new pictures
..shop for dresses for the upcoming International Convention next weekend
good job, i needed that list to be able to breathe again. for a minute there i thought i had a whole lot of impossible things to do. but so far, i think everything is pretty much bearable for now. anyway, today was my lazy sunday.
ditche woke me up at at 8 in the morning to go to the gym at 9. and, just so you know, the gym is not even a block away from our house, we can walk it and get there in 3 minutes. and if youre thinking 8am is just about enough time to get ready, its still more than enough, considering i can have breakfast in 15 and get ready by 5. (funny how i spend more time eating than actually getting ready haha!) so 8 is very early, just so we've established that. so i was awake at 8 and yet refused to get up, so by the time 9 came along, ditche had gone to the gym by herself and i was in bed trying to stop myself from rolling my eyes while misha lectures me on how she's not the only one who messes up our room.
the highlight of my morning was probably Armageddon, and if you know me well, you know that i have a history of never being able to watch that movie from start to finish. i dont know why i cant ever just rent it and sit myself through it from beginning to end. maybe coz they show it on hbo like every single day and i know its always going to be on anyway. but whenever i watch it, its either i start it and never see the ending or miss the start and still cry my heart out for the ending. but no matter how many times ive seen that movie, regardless of full-length feature, it really gets me everytime! it'll never get old for me, never! movies that have the same effect on me are, lately, Apocalypto. im just so amazed at how accurate that story is and how exciting at the same time. another is, Get Smart, im sorry but these are the movies that play on hbo like every single day, and aside from the Travel Channel and Top Chef, hbo (or just movie channels in general) is the next best thing! but yah, Get Smart makes me laugh everytime, and ive grown a strange fondness for Steve Carrell ever since Dan in Real Life.
but anyway, that pretty much summed up my lazy sunday; plus the usual ASAP/SOP/The Buzz treat for the day. ;)
i think if i could have any normal day without school or work, i would like to spend it, surprisingly, waking up early to start the day right. really see the sunrise and go for a morning jog or bike ride before having a nice hearty breakfast. oh, to be outdoors all day and not spend half the day checking people's status on facebook. that would be the day, indeed. until then, ill be here making lists and plans in my head and watching reruns of old sitcoms and movies ive memorized already. until then, ill still have to wait for something great to happen.
today, i just dont know.<input ... ><input ... > <input ... ></input><input ... >
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| this is funny! |
[02 Jun 2009|09:26pm] |
i dont normally like to watch mtv in general, especially since this year's movie awards gave everything to twilight, but this was one thing i did like about it:
and this one, i just like ;)
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[28 May 2009|09:22am] |
Yesterday was fun. i liked the fact that all i needed to worry about was where im going to watch the champions league final. i woke up that morning screaming INIESTA in my head and that's all i wanted to know throughout the day.
for some reason, it seemed like my longest day at work and by the time it was 1145, everything just flew by way too fast. the honda wouldnt start and the next thing i knew, i was still at Cheng's at 130 getting the car fixed and paid for. i managed to get to daryl's just when the game ended, good thing he recorded it so i got to watch it with no half time commercials either. yup, barca's win was definitely the highlight of my afternoon. plus mochi and the company of the lim's on one of their last days here. afterwards, i went back home to take a quick nap and then went to play volleyball at the park after dinner.
accomplishment of the day: i finally learned how to play pusoy dos! elmer, you should be proud.
and just to end this entry quick..
I'm really, really going to miss the Lim's
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[22 May 2009|10:36pm] |
pre-summer vibes was almost the death of me. despite..
..not being able to yoga/step/zumba for about 3 weeks now due to the hectic state of finals;
..laundry piling up for the last 2 weeks with misha and ditche expecting me to make sure they have panties to wear the next day;
..losing my mind over waiting for my Econ grades to be posted online;
..worrying about how lolo's gonna have to go through surgery;
..and how long jokai has to wait to get picked up after daycare; and
..stressing out over which sweet summer escape i should/want to go to..
i did survive all that and everything surprisingly worked out just as planned:
..i finally got to do the laundry
..lolo didn't need to have the open-heart surgery after all
..and jokai didnt have to wait too long at the daycare since ditches there to pick him up
..i passed all my classes this semester!
..and we are going to Chicago again this summer!
i guess the only thing that's left for me to do, aside from work all summer, is figure out my what it is im going to do. i know its lame of me to make a schedule for summer at all, but im the type of person who needs to make a list of things to do just so i can make sure that i get to do everything i want to. its pretty reasonable, and yet, a little cliche especially for summer, but what the heck, im gonna make this list good.
so, until i have the list done, this is what ive been up to so far, well for this 1st week of summer at least:
..got lost in LA (not too fun) sorry for the LA fans, but i just cant seem to fall in love with LA. i mean, some people actually like the thrill of getting lost and i normally do like to explore new places, but getting lost in LA did not bring me any hopes of learning to love the city. im not saying its all bad either, there are great places to go in LA, but just not worth loving as much, i think. maybe its coz after seeing Chicago or New York, LA just looks like crap. the main thing i appreciate about the Midwest or the East Coast is the fact that everything is easy-access: everything's all in one place and yet you dont ever feel too confined or isolated in it. LA on the other hand, makes me feel that way.
..tried a new Japanese Restaurant with the Lim's. that was way too fun, i never laughed so hard that it made me cry in such a loooong time. so, it was a good night to spend with new people and new friends. i will really miss them.
..after yogurtland with some friends, i had a quiet run through the park and tried out my new rollerblades and then i watched the koreans play soccer. it really makes me miss watching festivals and tournaments in ateneo or alabang, ugh my soccerista life will never be the same!
and yah, i guess that's it.
here's to the 1st weekend!
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| this is a great album! one of my faves! |
[18 May 2009|10:46pm] |
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music |
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Stars: "Set Yourself on Fire" album |
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God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name...
This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin
It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save...
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[14 May 2009|10:36am] |
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i am a million little things right now. its that same familiar feeling i get when ive done one grand gesture that i forced myself to believe could solve everything, but at the end of the day, im in this situation wherein im so unsure and there's nothing i can do about it.
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[23 Apr 2009|10:35pm] |
Ok, im just thinking of my possibilities,
just thinking out loud and letting it all hang out there.
of course this is going to be biased but..
situation: my finals end on may 14th and summer session doesn't begin til june 22nd. meaning, i have, say, a month and a week doing absolutely nothing. except of course if i decide to work. but then again, lets just say that if i do have a reason to stay its only for work and maybe misha's graduation. but here's the thing too, id like to believe that if i just keep going on this streak of perfecting and finishing all my requirements as fast and as soon as possible i'll be out of community college and off to university mode as fast and as soon as possible too. BUT, it wont hurt anyone (not even me) to get a month and a week break from it all too, right?? i mean, if i only have one summer session to do one class, then that's really all i can do. unless of course, i enroll somewhere else which has a summer session earlier than june 22nd so i can do another class. but, why would i harass myself when i could be on break??? so basta, if i do decide to take a break, id really like to go back home! if i cant go back home, maybe chicago! if not, then id really have to make sure that i do something just as worthwhile!! seriously! but i find this as an actual opportunity to go back home again and i could really really really use manila life right now, especially in the summertime.
this is my chain of thought, i feel like ive pulled myself back and forth and back and forth over doing what i should and doing what i want again. and, at the end of the day, its really all just plans in my head, plans in my head.
its nice to think about it though. depending on my mood, it either drives me crazy or helps me get by. i miss manila more in the summertime!
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[21 Apr 2009|11:54am] |
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YOU ARE SUCH A TEASE!
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[23 Mar 2009|03:24pm] |
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okay.
new goals. new priorities.
i'm not gonna force myself to believe that things can
or will just happen for me at the right time.
i'm tired of that. so screw it, im done.
i'm done thinking about what if's and im tired of asking stupid questions.
why me or why not me?
i refuse to spend another minute wondering about
what happened, what could happen, or what won't happen.
i'm not gonna rush it but im not gonna think about waiting around either.
i just need a new and productive way to channel all the vibes i get
from the pressure of my own feminine needs.
has it been a month yet? i feel it coming.
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| dear.. |
[08 Mar 2009|10:56pm] |
i kinda noticed that ive been pretty emo lately and i hate the feeling of always being the one on the lose end of things. i really should find a different way to channel my emotions coz eljay is getting a little too old, a little too fast, even for my own good. it must be break-up season. i feel the vibe. count me in for being one of the people who laughed and thought nonsense about gretchen's break-up video. i mean, it was good entertainment, but not so good when its actually relatable (?) all of a sudden.
so here's where the story begins. or ends.
id like to think that all endings are beginnings too but after such hell water days, its really hard to think anything any further.
( of daydreams and wishful thinking )
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